I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
