You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
