So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
