Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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