Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
