Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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