Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's always time for handjobs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
