What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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