I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
