We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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