i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
