a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize