Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
