everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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