i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize