Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
