dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
