No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
