FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize