YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
