I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
be right there i have to get my cape
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
