sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
