Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
