he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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