You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize