Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
