i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
