I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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