You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
