I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
