well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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