Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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