The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
