Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
