I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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