Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
