just survived the first fart of the relationship.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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