i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize