Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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