Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
