How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
