A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
