stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
