On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
