Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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