Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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