you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
