I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
