He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
