She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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