I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
