Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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