ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if only i could text you this smell
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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