dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize