I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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