did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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