You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
