Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
