I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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