one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
