I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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