I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize