you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
