There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
