I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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