You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
