VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
