he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Enjoy the penises
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
