I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
