I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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