is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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