i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
