If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
