Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
They took my balls.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drake has all the answers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
