Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just pee around me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
