so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
