speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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