Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
