I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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