So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
