I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
