she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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