mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We need to get me chipped asap
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
