Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
