even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
