i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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