Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My feet surprised me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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