You're so nebulous sometimes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
