Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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