Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
