dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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