You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
