you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
