i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
