Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's shark week go big or go home
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
how does that bad decision feel?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
