Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
