so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what day is it and did you see me today?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
