Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
